The Straight Dope On Food & Exercise


 Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
 A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything
 wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live
 longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it
 faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables.  So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

 Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
 A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables.
 As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three
 categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and
 wine are not animal, and they're not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and
 enjoy your liquid vegetables.

 Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
 A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to
 one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

 Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench
 press. What did he mean?
 A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up
 your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find
 that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to
 re-evaluate your exercise program.

 Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise
 program?
 A: Sorry...Can't think of a single one. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

 Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the
 middle?
 A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should
 only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

 I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had.

This excerpt is something I received via e-mail.  I don't know who originally wrote it but it certainly wasn't me.  I DO NOT claim to have written this.

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